The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Beer required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can were invented, yet. So, while our early humans sat around waiting for them to be invented, they stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the pillars of modern civilization and, together, they were the catalyst for splitting humanity into two subgroups: liberals and conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting and were called ‘vegetarians’, an early human word meaning ‘bad hunter’, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals came to be symbolized by the jackass.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, Hollywood film makers, group therapists, and community organizers are you know what.
They interfered in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule as it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Most members of the military, game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firefighters, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, and generally anyone who works productively are you know what.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created the business of trying to get more for nothing.
Lastly, there is the paint color called ‘drunk tank pink’. Turns out, this shade of pink has been proven to reduce hostile, violent, and aggressive behavior, making it the perfect shade to paint holding cells. The official name of this color is Baker-Miller Pink, after the directors at the Naval Correctional Facility where research concerning this color was done. It works on anyone.