road runner

Alexander (nine) and I (age withheld) are violent criminals because of this cartoon.

The roadrunner is a fast-running ground cuckoo with long tail and crest and is found in the southwestern and south-central United States and in Mexico, usually the desert. Although capable of flight, they generally run away from predators. -Wikipedia

The Californian Earth-Cuckoo, its official name, is faster than humans at 18.6 mph and 20 steps per second. The bird swallows prey whole and can even kill a rattlesnake, all of which makes an appearance on the endangered species road list unlikely.

Cartoon characters who kiss and burp are always hysterical. Grown humans who kiss and burp are always horrible.