The Austin Powers film franchise delighted audiences with its witty writing and its antics involving Austin Powers and Dr. Evil, both played by Mike Myers. During a scene in Goldmember, Dr. Evil notices that everything Powers does is aimed at gaining his father’s approval. After Dr. Evil points this out, Austin Power’s lines keep referring to his father. “Nothing could be my father from the truth!" “No, I dadn’t.” source: wordgenius.com
Hunter Biden starred.
One of my students loves Horrible Histories, the books!
The next clip is funny, too.
You are a senior, can no longer take care of yourself, and need Long Term Care, but the government says that there is no nursing home care available.
What do you do?
You can opt for Medicare Part G.
Part G. This gives you a Gun and one bullet and the right to shoot one worthless politician of either side.
This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life.
You will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need.
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
As a bonus, your children can come and visit you at least as often as they do now.
Best of all, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay taxes.
I quote a good friend who took the most recent California Bar Exam.
“I was in good company with my classmate. We went together both days to the Santa Clara Convention Center. We saw a few other classmates there. The only thing that was easier was the process. I already know to get in line, look for my assigned seat, sit down, and shut up. If anything, it was entertaining to look at the other bar candidates. A few were dressed as if they were going to yoga class; a few were dressed as if they were going to a party. One bold individual wore his hotel robe to the exam! Clearly someone did not give a damn. So good for him. The rest of the examinees were dressed as if they were going to Walmart. I dressed in business casual. May as well look presentable, at least.”
Limerick – humorous, frequently bawdy, verse of three long and two short lines rhyming aabba
I don’t know if I ever told this limerick on my website, but here goes –
There was a girl named Anheuser,
Who thought none of the boys could surprise her,
So, Pabst took a chance,
Put Schlitz in her pants,
And now she’s pale Budweiser.
My father told that one at the dinner table. My mother stared at him and said, “Don’t talk like that, Joe.” Dad and I looked at each other and laughed. I was around 15. Mom left the room for the kitchen to get more food.
Here is one for the sensitive ladies –
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd,
Who was frightened and screamed very loud,
Then a happy thought hit her,
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
Okay, one more, from Dad...
There was a girl from St. Paul,
Who wore a paper dress to the ball,
The dress caught fire,
Burned the entire,
Front page, back page, and all.
We were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs
Covered with bright colored,
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets,
And, when we rode our bikes,
We had baseball caps,
Not helmets, on our heads.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats,
No booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags,
Bald tires, and sometimes no brakes.
Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, and no one died.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon.
We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar, and we weren't overweight.
WHY? Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day…
And we were OKAY.
We would spend hours building
Our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill,
Only to find out that we forgot about brakes.
After running into the bushes a few times, we learned
To Solve the problem.
We rode on metal skates,
Spent long minutes hunting for the key,
And no one was scarred for life.
Nor did movies about cops and robbers, or cowboys and Indians, turn us into killers.
(My friend from Vietnam watched the same movies, and he didn't become a killer.)
We did not have
Play Stations, Nintendo, and X-boxes.
Video games, 150 channels on cable,
No video movies,
No surround-sound or CDs,
No cell phones,
No personal computers,
No social media, and
No chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS
And we went
Outside and found them.
We fell out of
Trees, got cut,
Broke bones, and
And there were
From those accidents.
We would get
Spankings with wooden spoons, hangers, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand,
And no one would call child services to report abuse.
We ate worms,
And mud pies made from dirt,
And the worms did
Not live in us forever.
We were given
BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
(Tommy had his taken away because he shot a boy),
Made up games with sticks and tennis balls,
And although we were told it would happen,
We did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes
Or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell,
Or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts
And not everyone
Made the team.
Those who didn't
Had to learn
To deal with
The idea of a parent
Bailing us out
If we broke the law
Was unheard of…
They actually sided with the law.
We had freedom,
Failure, success, and responsibility,
My sister was quite competent at age 11. When Mom called the main office at school and Kathy answered, my mother yelled, "What are you doing answering the phone!"
A glimpse of the past.
And, sometimes, we would lie out in the backyard,
Wait for a shooting star,
And never see one.
Read what Kathy has to say in the comments! She will not say it, so I will. The skills she learned made her the #1 Women Singles tennis player on the islands far away.
“According to the BBB, ‘The seven deadly sins will provide a firm foundation for San Francisco to rebuild a foundering tourist industry, one offense at a time.’”
“Nevermore” is the repetend in “The Raven”. Repetend is derived from the Latin, repetendum, meaning repetition. A Latin teacher might oft say, “Repete post me.” Repeat after me. Shakespeare asks this Roman orator to plead by repetend.
Great orations are in Henry V, too.
I woke up this morning right after a joke that was in my dream.
Setting: woodsy area. Occasion: company picnic. Attendees: many families. Activities: food and games.
A guy stands up and shouts, “We have a relay race that’s longer than one of the bosses.”
I’m 99.99% sure I have never heard the joke before. First time I ever told one while sleeping? I think so.
What is weird is that I do so much blogging that I blog in my dreams.
I have a lot of respect for Freud, but please don't do any analysis on me. I was on the couch once for a couple of months many Moon cycles ago, and not much happened. The Moon and the stars are still out there, and though the Starship Enterprise has lost sight of Vulcan, the search continues.
Joseph-Noël Sylvestre's The Sacking of Rome
Should we sack Washington and every other capital in the world, I ask?
It might be fun and low.
asteroid, massive cosmic ray burst, or vacuum decay
Presenting: Jesuit-Calvinist mash
"Nietzche once said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The reality is, whatever kills you makes you exceptionally strong." Ernst Jünger, author of the quote, came from an agnostic family, yet shortly before he died, he saw the bright meteor approaching fast and became Catholic...
I hear various Catholics on the internet constantly talking about penance, no offense to anyone. I never thought I did any arduous penance. When a certain priest gave me a week-long penance, I did it. On the last day, as I was driving to church, I said, “God, just get me there.” Now, I know better. I spent 50 years in the modernist Church. That was penance! Moses only spent 40 years in the desert.
Elizabeth Warren Caught in Bush Outside Kavanaugh's House Wielding Tomahawk
copyright Babylon Bee Radio
bio in DeSantis entry
I wish he could get rid of the capital "S". It's easier to write with a lower case "s". I learned that in my writing career. Unlike the novel, short stories, and true stories, my blogs are unedited by anyone other than myself, so if you find spelling, grammar, syntax, usage, or punctuation mistakes, tell me.
9-1-1 caller: “I have prowlers around my house.”
9-1-1 operator: “Madam, are they ravens or humans?”
9-1-1 caller: “I live in the 21st century, not the 19th.”
9-1-1 operator: “I’ve been reading too much Poe.”
9-1-1 caller: “Are you on nepenthe?”
Customer to waiter: “What is this fly doing in my soup?” Waiter replies, “Looks like the backstroke, sir.” Fly seen clinging to a yard sale sign, “Chester drawers inside.”
ship of state - the only ship that leaks from the top
variable winds - government weather vane
mirages - professional media standards
prostitutes - ladies of equal distinction
grenade pin - feather in your cap
modern redaction - everything
licensing bureau - rat catchers
president’s vacation - AWOL
morals - flip-flops
pope - booger
I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food. If it doesn’t happen before I die, at my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next. I’ll sneak in a new vocab word: Romeo wheepled up to Juliet’s balcony to not wake her parents. wheeple – verb – to emit a weak cry or whistle
Sherry (22-year-old Napa resident): “Mom, I saw Kamala Harris in a hot air balloon over Nancy Pelosi’s house today.”
Rosé (57-year-old Mom): “Kamala is on vacation, Sherry.”
Sherry: “What’s in a hot air balloon?”
Rosé: “Laughing gas.”