The Snow Man
It snowed last night. 8:00 am: I made a snowman. 8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 – So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 – The same sex couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead. 8:22 – The transgender man…woman…person…asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and are not to be used for decorating snow figures. 8:28 – I was called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:30 – I used food coloring to make one of the snow couple a different color and be more racially inclusive. 8:37 – I was accused of using blackface on the snowman…snowperson. 8:39 – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up. 8:40 – The police arrived saying someone had been offended. 8:42 – The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction. 8:45 – TV news crew from ABC showed up, and I was asked if I knew the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I replied “Snowballs” and now I am labeled a sexist. 9:00 – I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather. 9:10 – I was asked if I had any accomplices. My children were taken by social services. 9:29 – Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding that I be arrested. 9:45 – The boss called and said I was fired because of the negative publicity splattered across social media. 10:00 – I cried into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a snowman… Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what this world has become because of a bunch of snowflakes…. Thank you, Carol.
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