pronouns on trial

The judge enters the court.

​“Human unit, you may speak.”

“Uh…”

“Shut up, you dumb turtle. I find you guilty of eleven counts of impersonating a two-legged. You’ve been doing it for too long. Into the shark tank you go. One day for each count.”


“She/it.”

“One day added for profanity.”

“Thems is guilty. They is changing their pronoun.”

“Your pronoun is guilty.”

“As whatever’s attorney, I object on the grounds that the higher court will overturn. I cross-examined the starfish, and I still have no idea how many people of which sex the starwitness witnessed do something. Remember, your honorific person, the other witness identified as furry and demonstrated 40 different kinds of meows. This is paw-inspiring for such, and inclusive, and the higher court will be jubilant.”

“Em. Yo, stand up...yes, on two legs.”

“Sí?”
​
“New trial ordered on the grounds I don’t know who’s on first, second, or third…or should I say ‘multiple, diverse bases’?”

The audience of fluid neuters broke into interrobangs.

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